By the time Merlin gets back the next morning, Arthur has been up all night and would be feeling several miles outside of his comfort zone even if he was still a man. Since he's not, he's feeling even more mixed up and vulnerable (not to mention increasingly trapped by the rest of the situation) and that's why he lashes out. I think by that point he is also already subconsciously thinking that Merlin only wants him as a woman because there is definitely some bitter there.
But since Arthur is Arthur after all, he gets control of himself and apologises. By then he's also pretty much given up on being turned back and is trying to resign himself to the idea - he is already looking forward to what is going to happen when it is revealed to everyone else and he's kind of steeling himself up for it despite Merlin's attempts at reassurance.
When Merlin finds him masturbating, that is really Arthur trying to distract himself by indulging in a slightly guilty, angsty fantasy that at least as a woman he could have Merlin for a little while. Arthur goes along with Merlin touching him again and does get Merlin off in return this time because he's shoring up good memories for what he thinks is coming, even though he feels like he's taking advantage of Merlin in a way. And afterwards, Arthur's getting ready to give up that little bubble of happiness and tell Merlin to get his father - and that's when Merlin reveals that he can turn Arthur back. (Incidentally, in the longer, angstier version that currently only exists in my head, Merlin doesn't find a way to reverse it and this is when Arthur does give up and let Uther know.)
So that is pretty much it - Arthur acts weird about being turned back, even though he desperately wants to turn back, because he thinks it means no more Merlin and he's just realised he wants Merlin very badly. The kiss is the last thing Arthur allows himself to have, and then he changes back and pines away until Merlin catches on. The end!
Man, I just realised Arthur is a complete angsty woobie through all of that fic, poor thing.
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Arthur's thoughts part 2
Date: 2009-09-21 08:34 pm (UTC)But since Arthur is Arthur after all, he gets control of himself and apologises. By then he's also pretty much given up on being turned back and is trying to resign himself to the idea - he is already looking forward to what is going to happen when it is revealed to everyone else and he's kind of steeling himself up for it despite Merlin's attempts at reassurance.
When Merlin finds him masturbating, that is really Arthur trying to distract himself by indulging in a slightly guilty, angsty fantasy that at least as a woman he could have Merlin for a little while. Arthur goes along with Merlin touching him again and does get Merlin off in return this time because he's shoring up good memories for what he thinks is coming, even though he feels like he's taking advantage of Merlin in a way. And afterwards, Arthur's getting ready to give up that little bubble of happiness and tell Merlin to get his father - and that's when Merlin reveals that he can turn Arthur back. (Incidentally, in the longer, angstier version that currently only exists in my head, Merlin doesn't find a way to reverse it and this is when Arthur does give up and let Uther know.)
So that is pretty much it - Arthur acts weird about being turned back, even though he desperately wants to turn back, because he thinks it means no more Merlin and he's just realised he wants Merlin very badly. The kiss is the last thing Arthur allows himself to have, and then he changes back and pines away until Merlin catches on. The end!
Man, I just realised Arthur is a complete angsty woobie through all of that fic, poor thing.